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Someone asked me this
week if I thought we really can have “it
all.” My immediate answer was “of course,”
but after thinking it over I concluded that
it depends on a lot of things. I think three
main questions to ask are (1) Do you think
you can have “it all?”; (2) Do you have a
clear definition of what “it all” is?; and
(3) are you willing to change your
definition of “it all” as you life changes?
In my opinion, the
answer of whether or not you can have “it
all” has to vary from person to person
because we are so different, and everyone
has a differing definition of “it all.” In
fact, I believe that even the same person’s
definition of “it all” varies over their
life. Most babies believe they have “it all”
when they are in the arms of their mommy
enjoying a good meal. That’s all it takes.
But as that baby matures, their definitions
become more complex and finding “it all”
becomes increasingly a private matter.
I have learned a lot of
important life lessons during my search for
“it all.” It began in Junior High School,
when to have “it all” meant having my own
room, getting HBO, and being on the "A"
volleyball team at school. And, yes, I
achieved those goals and had “it all.” At
least for a little while. Because the first
lesson I learned about having “it all” is
that as soon as you get “it all,” you want
more!
In High School, I
thought I only needed one thing to have “it
all.” I wanted so badly to be a member of
the Madrigal Singers, a prestigious choir
sponsored by our school. I finally worked up
the nerve to audition, despite the fact that
no one had ever told me I had a special
singing talent or that my voice was unique.
At least until my audition, when the
director of the choir had no problem telling
me how little talent I had! When I didn’t
make the choir, I learned if my definition
of having “it all” means having something
that isn’t a god-given gift, I will always
be. However, if I choose to pursue goals
that fit with the talents I have, the chance
to have “it all” is unlimited.
In college, my quest
for “it all” became more mercenary: a great
job, a car, the grades I needed to be
“sellable” after graduation. As I started my
career, these goals expanded to include more
and more “stuff”: a house, nicer car, better
job…the list went on and on.
About two years after
my husband Marty and I were married, I
thought we were really getting somewhere. We
were making more money than we ever had
before (and, I might add, spending more
money, too…) I remember one evening we were
on our first real vacation since getting
married, and were feeling pretty proud of
ourselves. We were dining in a very nice
restaurant, enjoying each other’s company,
good food, and cocktails. We were doing a
great job of congratulating ourselves for
all we’d achieved. In our minds, that night
we actually had “it all.”
Well, God really does
have a sense of humor, because two weeks
after we returned from vacation “it all”
went up in smoke when Marty’s company
decided to close his division and eliminate
his job. I quickly learned another lesson:
if having “it all” is reliant on
circumstances outside our control, we can
easily be disappointed.
So began several
adventurous years where Marty and I moved
across the country, changed careers, and
started a family; always in search of a new
and improved definition of “it all”. In the
process, I’ve learned some more important
lessons.
Most importantly, I’ve
learned that the best “all” I can strive for
is in my head. I can’t lie: money, a nice
house, clothes, cars and jobs are important
to me, but they are easily lost. Tony
Robbins has often said that there is nothing
in life you can control except the way that
you perceive things. And, in order to place
a positive perception on any circumstance
that comes my way, I’ve learned that I must
do three things:
First, I must be at
peace with myself; comfortable that I am
always doing the very best that I can with
the hand life has dealt me.
Second, I must be happy
and secure in my relationships with those
closest to me: with my husband, son, family,
and especially with God.
Finally, third, I must
be constantly growing and improving; always
trying to learn just a little bit more. For
me, when I can achieve those three things on
a consistent basis, I believe I really will
have “it all.”
Since every person is
different, I can’t tell you what it will
take for you to have “it all.” But I do know
that if you keep looking for the answers,
the lessons you learn during your life will
guide you until you, too will find the
answer. Always continue to ask: Do you think
you can have “it all?” Do you have a clear
definition of what “it all” is? Are you
willing to change your definition of “it
all” as your life changes? If so, I’m
positive that you will not only achieve “it
all,” but have a great time in the
process—Yes, we can have it all!
Author Bio:
Sue Dickinson is the author of
What’s a Mom to Do? Overcoming the Urge
to Put Your Life on Hold and the creator of
www.UnlimitedMom.com, designed to
celebrate the many facets of Mom. Because
when you recognize them all, your
possibilities are unlimited!
NOTE: The article above titled "Can A Woman Really Have it All?-My
Personal Journey to Find It" was provided by a
visitor to "The New Parents Guide" and is the opinion of its author
Sue Dickinson. "The New Parents Guide" does not guarantee the information to
be factual. Always use the guidance of your child's doctor
or your health care provider over information you read on this site or elsewhere; your doctor knows what is
best for you or your baby.
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