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I have
always said, motherhood is the most difficult job I will ever love. I would
never choose to turn back the hands of time to the days when I was single or
even married without children. However, I am certainly not too proud to admit
the fact that becoming a mother is more challenging than I ever imagined. In
fact, I have found myself in “maternal survival mode” many times since the birth
of my daughter.
Becoming
a first time first-time parent (and, for some, managing the all too common side
effects that result from pregnancy and parenthood) is often cause for seeking
out different forms of support available to mothers. Mothers need this support,
and they need to know where to find it. I created my own support system through
research and networking. This article can serve as a guide for mothers looking
for reinforcement and confirmation in their ability as a parent. I am not a
clinician, and my theories are based solely on individual experience and
opinion. Perhaps the best form of advice is the type that comes from experience
– from those who have formed a connection to the topic at hand.
Post-Pregnancy Emotions
The emotional results of being pregnant can be unexpected and overwhelming. Most
pregnant women (or those trying to conceive) are familiar with the term
“Post-Pardom Depression”. A related term is “Baby Blues”. Although not the same,
the two conditions refer to the emotions experienced by a mother following
childbirth. Post-Pardom Depression ruled much of my life following the birth of
my daughter. For those suffering emotionally during the first stages of
parenthood, I recommend the following forms of assistance aimed at making this
period a bit easier to deal with:
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Rely on family and friends for support. Do not feel embarrassed or
ashamed because of your feelings. Remember that you are a good parent,
going over what can be considered a “speed bump” along the road of
parenthood.
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Seek professional help. I have found tremendous benefit resulting from
the kind of structured, isolated support one can receive from a
clinician specializing in post-pregnancy emotions. This form of
assistance provides a safe environment where a mother can express
whatever is on her mind, with no fear of judgment or consequence.
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Some may not agree, but I found articles and books relating to
post-pregnancy issues most helpful while dealing with depression. You
will find through reading that you are not alone; the feelings you have
are very common. A word of caution should be noted as one should be
aware and not over-generalize while becoming educated. Everyone is
different, and although you may relate to what you read, your
circumstances are more than likely different and your outcome may be as
well.
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Talking to people about your experience is a way of lifting the
emotional heaviness you may feel. Engage in conversation with other
mothers socially (e.g. at a local park or library). You may find that
some mothers are very compassionate and are willing to lend a
sympathetic ear.
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Mothers at Home
Along with the support of my husband, I made the decision to stay at home full
time and raise my daughter. It was a personal choice, and, although a
controversial topic, I see no harm in the alternative. In fact, mothers who
return to the workplace after childbirth have something that I found myself
longing for – interaction with other adults and the kind of mental stimulation
that I have not experienced since leaving my career. When my daughter and I were
reading to start exploring the world together, I found myself searching for ways
to accommodate both of our needs. To those who feel the same, I recommend the
following:
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Mother’s clubs and organizations exist in many towns throughout the
United States. They are generally formed and pursued by caregivers in
need of a support system, one where parent and child can both thrive.
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Use the power of networking and build your circle of friends to include
other mothers. Since becoming a mother, I have been reunited with
friends I have not spoken to in over 10 years. These friends and I now
have something so powerful in common. We have more to talk about now
than ever. We are parents.
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The Internet is a tool that is capable of bringing together interest
groups and filling these groups with people from around the world with
similar interests. I have found great social satisfaction in reputable
sites that focus on parenting. Chat rooms, message boards and forums are
all ways to “meet” other parents and compare notes.
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Hobbies are often useful and stimulating when a parent experiences “down
time”. I personally have chosen knitting and website development/editing
as my extracurricular activities of choice. They keep my thought process
in constant motion and give me something to focus on – even if it only
lasts during “nap time”!
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The
Inherent Challenges
Parenthood brings with it challenges and obstacles that are, in short,
unavoidable. “The terrible twos”, “temper tantrums”, “adolescence” – we all know
about these examples of signs and stages of development. They all carry their
own set of frustrations and trials for the parent involved. No doubt these are
the times when parents require support and maybe even guidance. I have found
myself turning to the following during such times:
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Friends or relatives who are older and have children older than yours
are often great resources for advice and compassion during these times.
You may be reassured to hear that “Cousin John” behaved just like your
child when he was younger. I personally have found this type of support
in neighbors, relatives and acquaintances. Interestingly enough, I now
find myself at a point where I am able to talk to mothers with children
younger than mine and offer the same form of support to them.
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Talk to your pediatrician or health care provider. A good doctor will
spend time with you and talk with you in detail about the stage of
development of your child is going through.
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Mothers
need support. It can come from family, friends, or maybe even a stranger.
Mothers across the board have the most important, yet perhaps the most
challenging, task at hand on a daily basis. It is no surprise to learn that
mothers often find critical benefits in special support systems. If I have
helped one mother find a resource suitable to her emotional need, I have done my
job. I have helped another Mom.
Author Bio: Deborah Duggan is Co-Owner and Editor
of
www.parentsresource.org, a website showcasing family-related businesses and
services in New Hampshire. She lives at home with her husband and daughter in
New Hampshire.
Other articles by Deborah Duggan:
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Other Helpful
Articles:
NOTE: The article above titled "The
Motherhood Alliance" was provided by a
visitor to "The New Parents Guide" and is the opinion of its author
Deborah Duggan. "The New Parents Guide" does not guarantee the information to
be factual. Always use the guidance of your child's doctor
over information you read on this site or elsewhere; your doctor knows what is
best for your baby.
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