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Another
state, another bedroom, another innocent sleeping child abducted in the middle
of the night. Another mother and father awakened from sweet dreams to be thrust
into their worst nightmare.
So many
parents have gone to sleep in the past thinking, "It only happens in other
places", only to wake up and find that the name of their town has been changed
to "Other Places".
Like
every parent reading or watching the news when these abductions are made public,
my heart skips a beat and my stomach begins to ache. The parents of these
children are thrust into a hell they could never imagine, a hell I never want to
experience firsthand. The absolute agony of knowing your child was in jeopardy
and you slept through it. But how?
In the
case of 14 year old Elizabeth Smart of Salt Lake City, Utah (abducted 6/5/02),
it crystallized what these criminals use as their main weapon. She and her
younger sister, also in the room at the time, were paralyzed into submission,
both made mute by the threat of harm to Elizabeth.
Fear.
The single most powerful weapon an abductor has on their side. Fear that buys
them silence. Fear that buys them time.
We teach
our children. We teach them to look both ways before crossing a street. We teach
them how to dial 9-1-1 in emergencies. We warn them to "not take candy from or
talk to strangers". We police them as they chat on the Internet. We practice
fire drills in our homes. We buy smoke detectors and security systems for our
homes. We make them take vitamins. Make them eat right, sleep enough, brush
their teeth. We do everything we can to educate them, keep them from harm. And
then one four letter emotion renders all our efforts useless.
Fear.
How can we combat such a deeply ingrained component of the human psyche? What
tools or information can we teach our children that may well save their lives in
the future? Detective Ryan O'Connell, 30 year police veteran advises, "You
have to drill into your children the fact that NOISE is their best defense in
the face of abduction. Regardless of what threat is being made at them or their
loved ones, they MUST raise an alarm, cause a commotion, put the fear of being
caught into the bad person."
Anecdotal
research has shown that threatening to hurt the child or a loved one is the #1
technique employed by abductors to buy silence. More menacing than the gun or
knife they may be brandishing is the "What if" put before the child.
Public
abductions happen quickly. Far too many parents have learned the lesson that in
the blink of an eye, their child can be whisked away. Stores such as Wal-Mart
install video cameras, teach employees codes such as ADAM to be used in the case
of a missing child. Yet even a lockdown code of ADAM is too little too late when
no sound of distress has come from the child.
The
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children offers these eight safety
tips for children:
-
I always check first with my parents or the person in charge before I go
anywhere or get into a car, even with someone I know.
-
I
always check first with my parents or a trusted adult before I accept
anything from anyone, even from someone I know.
-
I
always take a friend with me when I go places or play outside.
-
I
know my name, address, telephone number, and my parents' names.
-
I
say no LOUDLY if someone tries to touch me or treat me in a way that makes
me feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused.
-
I
know that I can tell my parents or a trusted adult if I feel scared,
uncomfortable, or confused.
-
It's OK to say no, and I know that there will always be someone who can
help me.
-
I
am strong, smart, and have the right to be safe.
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As a
parent of three young daughters, I make it a point to regularly go over these
tips and stress how important it is to communicate any fear they may face. Of
course I do not want them walking through life in a constant state of anxiety,
but I also do not want them to be "easy targets" for someone who may want to
harm them. They all know that their best moment for help is the moment something
is happening. They are being taught that a stranger is not to be believed, that
their safety is better insured if they scare the stranger.
Talk to
your children. Whatever their age, communicate to them that NOISE is their best
defense. And as you tuck your child into bed tonight, checking the windows,
checking the doors, know that you have armed them with a tool to combat fear
and help insure that their, and your, sweet dreams are not turned into
nightmares.
HELPFUL AGE APPROPRIATE TIPS
The help you can offer a young child is somewhat different from what is
useful for an older child. Here are some suggestions:
Young
Children Should:
-
Never say they are alone if they answer the phone: they can offer to take
a message or say their parents will phone back.
-
Never answer the door if they are alone.
-
Not
invite anyone in the house without the permission of a parent or
babysitter.
-
Not
go into people's houses without letting anyone know where they are.
-
NEVER get into anyone's car without permission.
-
Do
not take candy or other gifts from strangers or anyone else without asking
a parent first.
-
NEVER play in deserted buildings or isolated areas.
-
Scream and scatter books and belongings if they are forced towards a
building or car.
-
Move away from a car that pulls up beside them if they do not know the
driver.
-
Be
taught that it's all right to say 'no' to an adult if the person wants
them to do something you've taught them is wrong.
-
Know that no one has the right to touch any part of their bodies that a
bathing suit would cover.
-
Tell you, school authorities or a police officer about anyone who exposes
private parts.
-
Tell you if someone has asked them to keep a secret from you.
-
Go
to the nearest cashier if lost or separated from you in a store or mall.
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Older
Children/Teens Should:
-
Tell you where they are at all times or leave a written or recorded
message at home.
-
Never hitchhike.
-
Avoid shortcuts through empty parks, fields, alleys.
-
Run
home or go to the nearest public place and yell for help if they are being
followed.
-
Learn to recognize suspicious behavior and remember a description of the
person or vehicle to give you or the police. Write the plate number in the
dirt or snow if nothing else is available.
-
If
attacked for money, jewelry or clothing give it up rather than risk
injury.
-
Feel that they can talk to you and call you to pick them up at any time,
any place.
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Parents Should:
-
Avoid clothing and toys with your child's name on it. A child is less
likely to fear someone who knows his/her name.
-
Check all potential babysitters and older friends of your child. NEVER
leave your child alone in a public place, stroller or car. Not even for a
minute.
-
Always accompany young children to the bathroom in a public place and
advise them never to ~play in or around the area.
-
Always accompany your child on door-to-door activities, i.e. Halloween,
school fundraising campaigns, etc.
-
Point out safe houses or homes with the Block Parent sign where children
can go if they are in trouble.
-
Create an environment in which the child feels free to talk to you. Let
him/her know that you are interested and sensitive to their fears.
-
Teach them that the police are their friends and that they can rely on
them if they are in trouble.
-
Keep an up-to-date color photograph of your child, a medical and dental
history, and have your child fingerprinted
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Author Bio: Linda Sharp is an internationally
recognized author & columnist whose work wraps around the globe to appear in
print publications from Maine to Malaysia, as well as across the web. Linda is
also creator of the totally irreverent and hysterical website, Sanity Central
- A Time Out From Parenting!, located at
http://www.sanitycentral.com. Her latest book, Stretchmarks On My
Sanity: The Growing Pains of Raising a Family, has earned her rave
reviews and comparisons to the late Erma Bombeck. She may be reached via email
at lsharp03@aol.com.
Other Helpful
Articles:
NOTE: The article above titled "Child
Abduction: Waking Up To Every Parent's Worst Nightmare" was provided by a
visitor to "The New Parents Guide" and is the opinion of its author
Linda Sharp. "The New Parents Guide" does not guarantee the information to
be factual. Always use the guidance of your child's doctor
over information you read on this site or elsewhere; your doctor knows what is
best for your baby.
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